Putting yourself first is not an act of selfishness, it is an act of self care. When boarding an air plane, there is always some sort of safety presentation and when it comes to the part about the oxygen masks, what do they say? Put your mask on first before assisting others. If you don’t put yours on first, you wont be able to assist others. So we need to remove the belief that if we put ourselves first, we are disregarding the needs of others. Instead we need to understand that self care is essential in being a productive member to society. When we care for ourselves we can be more present in the work place, are more willing to engage with people around us and have a more genuine attitude towards others.
Of course we must also understand that everything including self care should be done in moderation. We can’t just arbitrarily go to the spa all day, leaving our jobs and children without care or notice. It would not be a good idea to spend all your money on things for yourself and feed your family or miss paying your rent. In moderation, find creative ways to treat yourself that are realistic and that wont obviously jeopardize your life or others. Do something like hire a babysitter, schedule a pedicure and take an hour and a half to relax once a month. Even things like meditating for 10 minutes or taking a nap are easy ways to take time to yourself that are not selfish acts at all.
As nice as it would be, no one will descend from the heavens and save you. When I just keep working and taking on things, people think I can handle it so no one knows to steps in when it becomes too much. I have to call out to others and say I’m taking a break and then follow through with proper arrangements to make sure things are covered while I relax. There is no selfishness in that. Just well deserved time to myself.
There is no reason to feel guilty or selfish when you need to take step back. No one needs you as much as you need you. If you do this for yourself everyone else around you will benefit from the positive energy you carry from caring for yourself. If there is no harm there is no fowl, you deserve to enjoy life too.